“We don’t want to say that we struggle with making friends…as teens, we are a bit self-conscious about that,” says student Paul Eastlund Estrada (‘27). At some point in our lives, we’ll all struggle to make friends, and this can be very hard, especially at an online high school where classmates can be thousands of miles away.

“It’s not a ‘you problem’ that you’re not making friends,” says Estrada. Many teens struggle to make connections. According to a survey conducted by Censuswide, 47% of parents with children aged 10 – 17 said that their child struggles to make friends. There are a number of reasons for this.

Mia Ella Antonio (‘26) says, “As someone who has struggled to make friends, mostly because of social anxiety, and because I’m a very shy person, and especially if there’s a bunch of people I don’t know, I will tend to just stay in a corner and maybe read a book. And so I think my advice to anyone who is experiencing that sort of situation and that fear is to just go for it. You don’t know until you try.”

But ‘going for it’ can be hard and overwhelming. To help overcome these challenges, this guide illustrates several steps you can take to form connections here at OHS and make life-long friends.

GET ON PRONTO, PRONTO

Middle school president Addie Zhang (‘29) encourages joining Pronto chats. “Because,” she says, “if you stay on [Pronto] long enough, people will start noticing you; there’s a lot of people that have DMed me after seeing something that I said.” Research substantiates Zhang’s claim.

According to a study conducted by Jeffery Hall, PhD, it takes roughly 50 hours of connection time to go from an acquaintance to a “casual” friend and another 90 hours to move from this ‘casual’ friend tier to the ‘friend-friend’ tier. In sum, according to the study, it takes over 200 hours of connection time to make a ‘good’ friend. Chatting on Pronto is a great way to get these hours in and to start making some connections – connections that could eventually turn into good, and then best, friends!

THERE’S SAFETY IN NUMBERS: JOIN CLUBS, SOCIETIES, CIRCLES, AND AFFINITY GROUPS
“One thing I love about OHS and its community,” says Antonio (‘26), “is that people have such passionate interests” She adds that “seeing other people who share [your] same interests is really inspiring because there’s just like this instant bond and this instant connection that happens.”

One of the best ways to meet these people and experience that “instant bond” is by joining clubs, societies, circles, and affinity groups.

Director of Academic Advising and former acting Head of Student Life Ryan Salvador says that “[Clubs are] where [students] meet people who share interests, who want to talk about the same things, and it allows people to explore their interests in a way that helps them learn more about why they like things.” Students seem to agree.

Zhang says, “Not only can you learn a lot from clubs and societies, but you also meet people who are like you.” And, Zhang adds, “there are societies for everything.”

Interviewed students recommend joining the Model UN and Neuroscience club, as well as the Tolkienites Society, and the Fiddle Circle.

Antonio points to the presence of affinity groups. She says that they “have very supportive communities and participating [in one] is very nice because then [your connection is] not just interest-based; it’s identity wise and you get to find people who you share a culture and history with.”

SOMETIMES CONNECTIONS MUST HAPPEN FACE-TO-FACE

“A surprising number of OHSers aren’t active on social media or on Pronto at all,” says Estrada, “So you sort of just have to find them out in the wild. You know, go to an event and just like befriend them there and then you can establish that connection online after.”

Stanford-led in-person meetups are a terrific way to venture out into “the wild” and meet local OHS students. Torah Hughes (‘28) says, “Sometimes you just need to go to an in-person event to meet people and to be able to connect and have a good conversation with them, and then you’re able to transfer that to online.”

Salvador adds that Stanford’s “In-person events are these kind of real intense times of hanging out and doing things together and doing things with each other that are just great.”

Students also recommend going to local meetups as well as Start-Up, Homecoming, Pixel Fest, and Graduation. Antonio says that “events like Homecoming, which is in Boston, and then Pixel Fest and graduation, which are at Stanford University, are really nice because there are lot more students, especially international ones.”

REACH OUT  TO PEERS AND CLASSMATES

“[One] way [for students to connect] is through their classes.” Salvador says, “So students meet their peers in classes and start discussions there. And then many of those carry over into different spaces. People meet and talk on Pronto. People talk at office hours and then people connect and usually that leads to other connections at OHS.”

Keep an eye out – board of Arts Chair Mathias Gomez (‘26) says, “If you find people that seem friendly in your classes and you already get along in breakout rooms, you should reach out to them on Pronto.” This can be an effective strategy for shy students too.

“If you are quiet,” Zhang says, “and you see someone quiet in your class, DM them, ‘cause they’re likely also struggling with making friends.”

“Just something that I love about the OHS community in general, is that I felt like…I could just be shy and nervous and not talk, and they [other students] would be fine with it,” says Antonio, “And I could get all nerdy and excited and passionate about whatever topic that I want and [other students] would still be fine with it and even jump on the nerdy train. And so I think just trying different things and saying ‘hi’ is a good way to get started because you never know what’s going to happen.”

Making friends is very difficult, and it can be a cause of stress and unhappiness for some. But by connecting with students on Pronto, joining clubs, affinity groups, and societies; going to in-person events; and reaching out to those in your classes are four (almost) fool-proof ways to make connections.

Remember to put yourself out there: Antonio says, “the best thing that could happen is that by saying ‘hi,’ you’ll make a new best friend.”

Zhang adds that Stanford OHS students are “all really nice people. If you think you’re a weirdo, fun fact, there’s probably a few other people that think they’re weirdos too, and you guys can be friends!”