As the OHS instructors prepared for the vicious roasts of their students, little did they know that nobody was safe. First, the rules were laid out: be respectful, have fun, and use kind language. Then, five instructors were placed one at a time on the hot seat. First came a roast on Dr. Hicks’s slow grading, and then alumni Marie Tagbo and Jenna Mackouse poked fun at Dr. Hicks’s passion for tea and knitting. Jenna brought a cup of tea to imitate Dr. Hicks drinking tea in class. Then, out of the depths, came Dr. McKale who claimed that he used to dislike core teachers because they always robbed him of the opportunity to give commencement speeches; however, he now likes core teachers for taking on this difficult task and being quite successful at delivering meaningful speeches.

Next came Dr. Hruska, who was roasted for being a harsh grader by Marie Tagbo: “It’s hard to roast you, but it was even harder to get an A in your class,” says Marie. Another student put together a list of things that Dr. Hruska has said in class and he used this list to its full roasting capacity; however, the rebuttal from Dr. Hruska was unique and clever: “I’m glad my students are paying attention in class.” After this, no one dared to roast Dr. Hruska any longer (at least for this year). 

Dr. Walker Dale fared no better, as she was subject to having her legendary accent imitated. Alumnus Jaime Mizrachi roasted Dr. Walker-Dale by telling her that she solidified his decision to pursue economics rather than philosophy as a major. Jaime claims: “In DFRL, I was just a kid in 11th grade, she made the class so interesting, and I was considering a philosophy major… I embarrassed myself in front of my friends and family, so I chose an Econ major instead.” Unfortunately, no one roasted Dr. Walker-Dale for her talks on the “cosmic muffin.” 

Magister Lanier came prepared with flashcards that rated each roast out of 10, and these flashcards truly took the roasting to the next level as the roasters got instant feedback from the roastee, Magister Lanier. Some roasts received a 10/10 rating; however, his attempts to teach class were called “pathetic,” and this understandably received a 3/10 rating from Magister Lanier. His passion for D&D was ridiculed, as was his tendency to sleep in class. While the accuracy of these final roasts is questionable, Magister Lanier awarded them an 8/10 rating.

Finally, the much awaited roasting of Dr. Tillman took place. Dr. Tillman was roasted for looking like Chewbacca from Star Wars. His fractal videos were mocked, as was his Top 40 Philosophy Podcast. The subject of Beyonce came up, since this is one of the song-writers that Dr. Tillman has discussed on his podcast, and he responded to this roast by saying that “Methodology of Fractals and Beyonce would be [an] awesome [course].” Freshman Kabir Gupta asked Dr. Tillman: “you have [a] good music taste, [but] what is your music taste?” This was an effort to roast Dr. Tillman’s ever changing music preference. Jack Chen, a junior, roasted Dr. Tillman as being “forgettable.” Unlike Dr. Rees who always opens class with the expression “let’s get this party started,” Dr. Tillman opens class with “a weird facial expression,” that somewhat resembles a surprised Pikachu face. Sadly, no one commented on Dr. Tillman’s flaming red hair, a roast that just asks itself to be made.

Some roasts are sure to leave emotional scars, while others were only of mediocre quality; however, given the high attendance at this session (over 70 students), it is reasonable to assume that the OHS student body is excited about events like these and what forms they will take in the future.