FOMO is the reason why I fly four hours to go to my aunt’s baby shower and return the same day. And it’s the reason why I feel awful if I’m not invited to my friend’s party. FOMO, the fear of missing out, is the “extreme anxiousness felt when a person feels they are missing out on a social event, ” says Claire Ashcroft, a Stanford OHS counselor who has a BA in Psychology.

One of the main causes of FOMO is the want–or for some people the need–to fit in with your peers. Ashcroft says, “[FOMO] comes from a primal place of need[ing] to be attached to our caregivers in order to survive as young humans, which stays with us as we grow and usually switches from our caregivers to our peers.” This idea of attachment as a necessity explains why many people “feel physical pain when FOMO is present.” The more attached you become to your peers, the more it hurts when they betray you in ways such as exclusion.

Although there is not a definite way to avoid FOMO, as it is a natural thing, there are ways to alleviate the emotional anxiety that it causes and “make it more bearable.” Ashcroft stresses the importance in being more aware of why we have these feelings, and that they are “normal and relatable.” Steps toward becoming more aware can include limiting yourself from social media. “Social media plays a big role nowadays because teens are using it to feel a sense of belonging with their peers,” says Ashcroft. However, social media is a prime cause of FOMO; teens see pictures of their friends hanging out at parties or sleepovers that they weren’t invited to and feel left out.

Ashcroft notes “Being able to withstand FOMO without overwhelming anxiousness is something that often takes time and practice to achieve.” In addition to limiting the amount of time spent on social media, she suggests allowing yourself to have multiple friend groups–in other words, don’t put all your eggs in one basket–and creating a positive internal dialogue that consists of words of affirmation. As part of this healthy dialogue, Ashcroft stresses the mindset that “not everyone is going to like us, and we don’t need everyone to like us.”