Aniruddh Balu, who goes by Rudy, of Alexandria, VA is a nationally competitive boulderer. He has mastered his sport and, perhaps more importantly, how to give the distinct boulderer vibe. Follow Rudy’s steps, and you too can give the vibe of a dedicated boulderer!

Step one: “Get a beanie.” Beanies are essential for  bouldering, because how are you gonna stay warm when you’re sending shirtless… dude? Nah, but with all seriousness beanies enhance the look of not showering for a week. It’s essential – trust.

Step two: “Act like a gymbro.” By now, this should be a given. If you’re lagging behind, however, let me explain: to be a boulderer, you must act exceedingly obnoxious to everyone else. Belittle them, try to send their project, flex in their mirror, eat their food, really anything works… knock yourself out.

Step three: “Get mildly jacked but forget legs.” Here’s the thing, your biceps are closer to your head, when people talk to you, they look at your head… see? You want people to see your biceps. If people see your biceps, your ego spikes. When your ego spikes, you can naturally send everyone’s project. Golly! Now we’re getting into the neurology of a boulderer!

Zoltan: Next… wait, wait, wait. Pause. Stop. “The grade you boulder completely depends on the diameter of your bicep, right?”

Rudy: “Yeah, totally.”

Zoltan: “Sorry. I had to get that out of the way.”

Ok, step four: “Get one of those Mellow [brand] hoodies.” Don’t worry about what it is, it makes you stronger.

Step five: “Build a shrine to Shawn Raboutou.” For those who don’t know, Shawn Rabatou is one of the best boulderers on the planet. Don’t start bouldering until you know everything about Shawn Rabatou. Don’t.

Oh and, I have to get this step out there.

Step six: “Start living at the climbing gym.” Not a joke, if you take rest days or if you have a job, you’re not a boulderer.

Step seven: Buy a bunch of aggressive shoes – particularly the price of your car + $200 worth of shoes (it’s a formula). Good. That’s important. Now, the more aggressive shoes you buy, the more pain you will experience when climbing. More pain varies directly to how much noise you make when sending… dude. Or not sending – doesn’t matter. It’s all about if people look at you. “And [on that note] no matter how many aggressive shoes you buy, always talk with your [friends, all of whom are named Chad] about how Paul Robinson released an even more aggressive [shoe] that’s even softer and it’ll help your lack of sending.”